I genuinely feel like things will never get better, and it is getting harder and harder by the day to stay positive, I’m trying but I feel like I’m truly drowning tbh.
My birthday is in a couple days and I genuinely don’t care this year. I feel so lifeless, I might not even bother going to dinner because none of this matters. This isn’t where I expected to be at my age, so I just give up tbh. I can’t even pretend to be ok anymore. I feel such severe anxiety when I think about time I could just pass out.
Well. I haven’t heard back about a third interview so that’s dead. On to the next.
Had my second interview on Thursday for a job in California! Really hoping I might get the third interview and see where it goes from there 🙂
Thinking you’ve pulled yourself out it, but realizing you’ve relapsed and fallen back into the abyss of sadness. And choosing to try to pull yourself out of it tomorrow. Again.
Not leaving the house for nearly two weeks because you can’t get going and struggle to even get out of bed. And then finally, the light breaks through, and you get up, and you go out, and it feels like the fog has cleared. At least, for the time being.
Feeling tired and sad for literal days on end, almost a week actually, and being unable to leave the house, or even get out of bed half the time.
I’m just so fucking sad and disappointed in myself and life and everything. I have worked so hard to get my BA and my MA, I’ve gone to three universities, I’ve worked a bunch of part time, minimum wage jobs, I literally moved to a different continent to get an affordable education and I come back here and I apply to job after job after job and I hear NOTHING back from anyone and I am at the end of my rope tbh. I can’t stay in this town anymore I want to die most of the time when I’m here there is NOTHING here for me or anyone else, it’s a dead end and it’s filled with townies who have zero ambition and Stepford Wives who are one more shot of botox away from looking like real, actual goddamn robots and I just HAVE to get OUT of here. I want to be a writer, I need to network and get out there and that’s why I am so desperately trying to get to California or New York or somewhere that feels like LIFE is actually happening because let me tell you what it’s NOT happening here. When I boarded my flight in London in September to come back here (after applying for jobs in England for MONTHS and hearing nothing) I took a Xanax and drank two mini bottles of Spanish wine and still had a panic attack as I wept because I KNEW I’d be trapped here and I’d never get out and once again my instincts were right.
I am drowning. And there’s no lifeguard on duty.
Made a Goodreads account, in case anyone wishes to follow it xx Goodreads
All laws in this country have to be written WITHOUT the influence of religious beliefs. Religious beliefs have no bearing on the laws in this country, because we have a clear separation of church and state, or at least we are supposed to. We are NOT a theocracy. Your religious beliefs don’t support same sex marriage or abortion? Who cares, because your own religious beliefs don’t matter when it comes to written law. Your personal beliefs, have no bearing on the laws in this nation. Laws are to be written without the influence of any religious doctrine in the United States of America. So your own personal beliefs, and the personal, religious beliefs of your congresspeople and senators and PRESIDENT, have NO BEARING on the laws of this country. Laws are to be written without such influences.
WE HAVE A SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE FOR A REASON.
I’d like to apologize to all the people that wish to come to America but will no longer be able to live here after the executive orders that Trump is about to sign tomorrow. I am really sorry things have turned out this way.
Donald Trump’s new press secretary just held a press conference that was filled with lies, deceit, anger, rage, stupidity, and nonsense. He didn’t take any questions, and looked like he was brimming with hatred. Trump spent most of his speech at the CIA talking about himself and the size of his crowds yesterday at the Inauguration. That was truly a disaster of epic proportion. People should be afraid of this new administration, it’s already off to a terrible start.