People

People love to pretend that everything will be ok, and will work out. But the ugly, ugly truth is we don’t know that that’s true. There’s no guarantee in life that everything will work out? Or that everything happens for a reason? Or that we’ll all end up happy? Or find love? It’s all a fairytale. And no one wants to admit that to themselves, or to others. But it’s true. I can’t pretend like things are ok or my life is going the way I want it to or that things will work out. Because none of that is true. Because I don’t know if they will. I have lived a very blessed life, and I am grateful for it. But I can’t pretend like certain things aren’t missing. Yes I have traveled and seen some of the most beautiful cities in the world, and for that I am eternally grateful, and truly, truly blessed, and thankful. But I’ve never felt love, true love, and that makes am very sad. I’ve never felt like anyone’s first choice. I’ve always felt like a burden. And that hurts. I feel very alone most of the time, and it’s very painful. Isolation and loneliness can kill you. But you have to try and keep fighting. And I am trying. I’m trying. Trying.

K

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Just Keep Watching

Watch the people Trump puts into power before and during his Presidency. Look at people like Pence and Bannon. Look at what we have done as a country. This many people should not live in fear that their rights will be taken away by the President. Greatest country in the world my ass.

Tired

I am honestly, so massively unhappy. I KNEW I wouldn’t be able to find a job when I moved back to the States and I was right. I even used my brother’s address on my resume in the hopes that it might attract more people but nothing. I am so, so, so sad I am NEVER going to find a decent job. I am going to have two degrees from two of the top universities in the world, all of this education, and experience working other jobs, and I am never going to find a job where I am able to utilise any of the skills or knowledge I’ve accumulated over the years. I am trying every day to make something happen but I can’t even get formally rejected from jobs and I am so fucking tired all the time. Eventually, unless things turn around, my depression is going to win and I’m just going to give up trying for anything better in life because what’s the point tbh.

Anger

I have applied to so many different jobs in so many different cities, with different resumes and individual cover letters each time and LITERALLY NO ONE will even properly reject me, let alone give me an interview, or even a follow up email, and I am just beyond exhausted. 7 years of rejection is a lot, and it really begins to weigh you down and I am just so, so, so angry, frustrated, and tired.