People

People love to pretend that everything will be ok, and will work out. But the ugly, ugly truth is we don’t know that that’s true. There’s no guarantee in life that everything will work out? Or that everything happens for a reason? Or that we’ll all end up happy? Or find love? It’s all a fairytale. And no one wants to admit that to themselves, or to others. But it’s true. I can’t pretend like things are ok or my life is going the way I want it to or that things will work out. Because none of that is true. Because I don’t know if they will. I have lived a very blessed life, and I am grateful for it. But I can’t pretend like certain things aren’t missing. Yes I have traveled and seen some of the most beautiful cities in the world, and for that I am eternally grateful, and truly, truly blessed, and thankful. But I’ve never felt love, true love, and that makes am very sad. I’ve never felt like anyone’s first choice. I’ve always felt like a burden. And that hurts. I feel very alone most of the time, and it’s very painful. Isolation and loneliness can kill you. But you have to try and keep fighting. And I am trying. I’m trying. Trying.

K

Feeling

Sad, sad, sad. I really hope I can find a good job with good health care and benefits, so I can hopefully get my mental health sorted. I’ve been pretty sure I have depression for years (and it runs in my family, it’s genetic), but I’ve never had health care to cover that kind of thing, so…I just get on with it. But down the road I’d like to get myself figured out.

Headspace

Is a great app! I just did my first ten minute meditation session and it has honestly helped me already. My mind feels so clear and I feel so relaxed, it’s really wonderful. And no, this isn’t an ad I just genuinely love the app, and I’ve already followed them on all forms of social media haha. My recommendation for other people like me who struggle with having very cluttered, busy, loud minds, that need that moment of peace in the day xx