I genuinely feel like things will never get better, and it is getting harder and harder by the day to stay positive, I’m trying but I feel like I’m truly drowning tbh.
“Go all the way with it. Do not back off. For once, go all the goddamn way with what matters.”
— Ernest Hemingway
Feeling tired and sad for literal days on end, almost a week actually, and being unable to leave the house, or even get out of bed half the time.
I’m just so fucking sad and disappointed in myself and life and everything. I have worked so hard to get my BA and my MA, I’ve gone to three universities, I’ve worked a bunch of part time, minimum wage jobs, I literally moved to a different continent to get an affordable education and I come back here and I apply to job after job after job and I hear NOTHING back from anyone and I am at the end of my rope tbh. I can’t stay in this town anymore I want to die most of the time when I’m here there is NOTHING here for me or anyone else, it’s a dead end and it’s filled with townies who have zero ambition and Stepford Wives who are one more shot of botox away from looking like real, actual goddamn robots and I just HAVE to get OUT of here. I want to be a writer, I need to network and get out there and that’s why I am so desperately trying to get to California or New York or somewhere that feels like LIFE is actually happening because let me tell you what it’s NOT happening here. When I boarded my flight in London in September to come back here (after applying for jobs in England for MONTHS and hearing nothing) I took a Xanax and drank two mini bottles of Spanish wine and still had a panic attack as I wept because I KNEW I’d be trapped here and I’d never get out and once again my instincts were right.
I am drowning. And there’s no lifeguard on duty.
Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right: Bob Dylan
All laws in this country have to be written WITHOUT the influence of religious beliefs. Religious beliefs have no bearing on the laws in this country, because we have a clear separation of church and state, or at least we are supposed to. We are NOT a theocracy. Your religious beliefs don’t support same sex marriage or abortion? Who cares, because your own religious beliefs don’t matter when it comes to written law. Your personal beliefs, have no bearing on the laws in this nation. Laws are to be written without the influence of any religious doctrine in the United States of America. So your own personal beliefs, and the personal, religious beliefs of your congresspeople and senators and PRESIDENT, have NO BEARING on the laws of this country. Laws are to be written without such influences.
WE HAVE A SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE FOR A REASON.
I think Barack Obama was a good President, and I think he is a good person as well. Was he a perfect President? No. Did he makes mistakes? Of course. Did I agree with all of the decisions he made as President? Absolutely not. But I am able to see the bigger picture, and understand his impact on history, and culture, and celebrate his many accomplishments, whilst still acknowledging his failures as well.
Working on President Obama’s 2008 campaign saved me during a very dark time in my life. College was hard for me. I struggled a lot meeting people and making friends. I found out about a group of students on campus who supported Obama before he even announced his candidacy in February 2007. And I joined them. During college, I suffered from crippling loneliness, anxiety, and depression, and dealt with daily panic attacks for months. His campaign, and the friends I made whilst working on it, SAVED me. They gave me purpose, they gave me drive, and they gave me friendship. My time working for his campaign gave me a reason to keep going, and something to believe in. It gave me hope. And he HAS changed the landscape and trajectory of American history, whether people like to acknowledge that fact or not.
I am grateful. Eternally grateful. And I will never forget that, or apologize for it. Thank you, President Obama. For everything.
It was an honor, and privilege, to work on then Senator Obama’s 2008 Presidential campaign, at which time I had the opportunity to meet him. Watching President Obama give his farewell address today was very sad for me, but seeing his love for his wife and daughters reminded me that there are still good, decent, loving people in this country of ours. Thank you, President Obama. For everything.
Let 2017 be the year of love. Let love finally reign supreme over all of us.
Tell the people you love, that you love them.
Been taking French lessons on Duolingo since May, it’s going well! Started up my Italian lessons again this week, we’ll see how it goes! x
Applied to another job in LA today, please wish me luck, I need the good vibes! xx