Gotta love when your depression just WON’T go away, and you don’t have health care to pay for therapy or medicine! Dope.


How Not To Get A Job: Day 14

Had this blog for two weeks! Mental. Thanks everyone that follows, I appreciate it! Feeling better tonight, going to start the job hunt again tomorrow morning, wish me luck and send me good Cali vibes please xx

1:10 am

I couldn’t sleep
all I could think of
or imagine is
a better
was waking up
to sunshine
pouring through the
and the sheer
as I rolled onto
my side
and saw your back
and falling
as you breathed
deep with
and I could lean
and kiss your
skin beneath
my lips
and it was warm
from cotton sheets
and winter duvets
and autumn sunlight
and my love for you
and I could trace
along your shoulder blades
until I found
the constellation
I was searching for.

Original Work: Kelsey H. 28/10/16

The Sun Will Rise

I lie in bed
And all the voices
In my head
Come screaming
To the forefront
Of every thought
I’ve ever had
And I doubt myself
And everything I am
The color of the sky
And the green of your eyes
I could say I love you
But the voices tell me
I am loved by no one
And they remind so
I am alone
At sea
And floating free
From here to eternity
The voices say I’m mad
And maybe it’s really true
I see everything around me
From cityscape
To morning dew
And then I see you
Upon a hill that cannot be reached
Up there you love
To quietly preach
What you love
And who you are
Born from dust
Of the furthest star
When the voices try to fight me
Break me into two
But I know better
I’ve learned their tricks
I’ve built a wall
Brick by brick
Upon that mountaintop we reign
Life and love are not a game
The voices take their leave
But will return
I’ll burn them down
Their ashes to an urn
I made for them
One sunny day
When pain was kept
Far at bay
For I learned very long ago
The sun will rise
And the wind will blow
And fields of flowers
Will banish snow
And off to wonderland
We go
One day
One day
When the sun does rise
And you exhale
All your lies
The sun will shine
All day till night
And set again
The last rays of light
In the west
On Pacific shores
And I will finally say
No more
No more
No more
Enough, now…

Original Work: Kelsey H. 3/13/15


I am honestly, so massively unhappy. I KNEW I wouldn’t be able to find a job when I moved back to the States and I was right. I even used my brother’s address on my resume in the hopes that it might attract more people but nothing. I am so, so, so sad I am NEVER going to find a decent job. I am going to have two degrees from two of the top universities in the world, all of this education, and experience working other jobs, and I am never going to find a job where I am able to utilise any of the skills or knowledge I’ve accumulated over the years. I am trying every day to make something happen but I can’t even get formally rejected from jobs and I am so fucking tired all the time. Eventually, unless things turn around, my depression is going to win and I’m just going to give up trying for anything better in life because what’s the point tbh.