I genuinely feel like things will never get better, and it is getting harder and harder by the day to stay positive, I’m trying but I feel like I’m truly drowning tbh.
My birthday is in a couple days and I genuinely don’t care this year. I feel so lifeless, I might not even bother going to dinner because none of this matters. This isn’t where I expected to be at my age, so I just give up tbh. I can’t even pretend to be ok anymore. I feel such severe anxiety when I think about time I could just pass out.
Well. I haven’t heard back about a third interview so that’s dead. On to the next.
Had my second interview on Thursday for a job in California! Really hoping I might get the third interview and see where it goes from there 🙂
“There is a sadness in this world, for we are ignorant of many things. Yes, we are ignorant of many beautiful things — things like the truth. So sadness, in our ignorance, is very real. The tears are real. What is this thing called a tear? There are even tiny ducts — tear ducts — to produce these tears should the sadness occur. Then the day when the sadness comes — then we ask: “Will this sadness which makes me cry — will this sadness that makes me cry my heart out — will it ever end?” The answer, of course, is yes. One day the sadness will end.”
Log Lady, Twin Peaks (1990)
Thinking you’ve pulled yourself out it, but realizing you’ve relapsed and fallen back into the abyss of sadness. And choosing to try to pull yourself out of it tomorrow. Again.
“Go all the way with it. Do not back off. For once, go all the goddamn way with what matters.”
— Ernest Hemingway
Time: Pink Floyd
Not leaving the house for nearly two weeks because you can’t get going and struggle to even get out of bed. And then finally, the light breaks through, and you get up, and you go out, and it feels like the fog has cleared. At least, for the time being.
“Drink wine. This is life eternal. This is all that youth will give you. It is the season for wine, roses and drunken friends. Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”
― Omar Khayyám
Take It To The Limit: Eagles
Feeling tired and sad for literal days on end, almost a week actually, and being unable to leave the house, or even get out of bed half the time.