People don’t like to admit that they’re lonely, and they don’t like to talk about loneliness in general, but maybe if we talked about it more, fewer people would feel so alone.
People love to pretend that everything will be ok, and will work out. But the ugly, ugly truth is we don’t know that that’s true. There’s no guarantee in life that everything will work out? Or that everything happens for a reason? Or that we’ll all end up happy? Or find love? It’s all a fairytale. And no one wants to admit that to themselves, or to others. But it’s true. I can’t pretend like things are ok or my life is going the way I want it to or that things will work out. Because none of that is true. Because I don’t know if they will. I have lived a very blessed life, and I am grateful for it. But I can’t pretend like certain things aren’t missing. Yes I have traveled and seen some of the most beautiful cities in the world, and for that I am eternally grateful, and truly, truly blessed, and thankful. But I’ve never felt love, true love, and that makes am very sad. I’ve never felt like anyone’s first choice. I’ve always felt like a burden. And that hurts. I feel very alone most of the time, and it’s very painful. Isolation and loneliness can kill you. But you have to try and keep fighting. And I am trying. I’m trying. Trying.
“You’ll feel so homesick that you’ll want to die, and there’s nothing you can do about it apart from endure it. But you will, and it won’t kill you.”
Feeling sad that I don’t have any friends in this town, so I don’t have any plans for Halloween weekend. Feeling lonely again, and it sucks. Maybe things will get better soon.